It's hard to believe that I've almost finished all 12 bi-weekly chemo treatments. They started March 1 and here we are Aug. 2 and almost done. In many ways its been easier that I expected. In other ways, harder.
Some things I have learned:
"Chemo Brain" is real!
I've known there were side effects. Hyper sensitivity to cold in my hands, feet and mouth; bathroom issues that have made me think of buying stock in Imodium; incredible fatigue. I've attributed other issues — can't find the right word, "(almost) senior moments," general klutziness — to stress. But during the previous treatment, I overheard three fellow chemo guys talking about "Chemo Brain." Sure enough, when I Googled it that night, it's an actual clinically observed side-effect. The Mayo Clinic lists these symptoms:
- Being unusually disorganized
- Confusion
- Difficulty concentrating
- Difficulty finding the right word
- Difficulty learning new skills
- Difficulty multitasking
- Fatigue
- Feeling of mental fogginess
- Short attention span
- Short-term memory problems
- Taking longer than usual to complete routine tasks
- Trouble with verbal memory, such as remembering a conversation
- Trouble with visual memory, such as recalling an image or list of words
There are crises, then there are CRISES!
Surprise divorce is a crisis. Cancer is a crisis. Moving certainly has crisis potential. Other things, not so much. Delayed flights, unexpected car repair, broken AC — these are NOT crises! Yes, such an issue can be complained or worried about, then I need to Just Get Over It! The Serenity Prayer has become my guideline for life's issues and life's CRISES!
The health, happiness and well-being
of my kids rocks my world!
OK, I'm smart enough to know that you can't let your world revolve around the happiness of others. But I recognize the joy I get from knowing that 23 years of parenting (soon-to-be ex shares the credit) has produced two level-headed, well-rounded kids. Are they perfect? No. But they do light up my life.
Allow me to brag:
Amanda has had three jobs in the seven months she's been home. They haven't all been picnics. The first was a part-time child care job where she saw first-hand the problems created by a disengaged parent. She came to dislike the job, but she had made a commitment though mid-July and she stuck with it. She's even continuing with occasional weekend / evening work with the family, just to stay in touch with the kids. (Small doses!) Her second part-time job was with a tech start-up. Her dad's and my antenna went up early with her tales: showing up at 8 a.m. at the boss' directive and finding no one else paying attention to the new starting hours; going from "you're one of our best employees" to "you're fired" in a matter of weeks (she talked her way out of that!); and management by threat "if you dont' all ... you're all fired." She started a new full-time job last Friday — another tech start-up, but this one seems to be managed by normal people. I know she'll do great, and I'm proud of her initiative and perserverance in a lousy job market. She's also been a great help and comfort to me during the recent ups and downs of life.
Nathan is finishing up a 10-week stint in a wood-bat baseball league in Ohio. His defensive play has been awesome, but his batting average during the first half of the season was below the "Mendoza Line." After his first two weeks, he blogged: "If there’s one thing I've learned from my first two weeks here: I really better make sure I pay attention in class my senior year because its pretty clear that any kind of baseball career isn’t going to work out." It was heart-breaking to read because I know how much effort he has put into baseball. It would have been so easy to give up — physically or emotionally — but he hasn't. He's set up up an intense work-out schedule for himself (and is looking really buff, if moms are allowed to notice such things). He's showed up for every game ready to play, or cheer his team from the bench. His hard work is paying off: For the last 30 days, he's batting a respectable .342 — including a three-RBI triple to win the Aug. 2 game. If Nate's got his heart set on baseball, I hope baseball works out for him. But even if it doesn't, the lessons he's learned — and taught himself — about individual and teamwork will pay off in spades no matter the life / career path he follows. Nate has been in school or in Ohio for most of my trials, but he, too has been a great help and comfort to me — albeit remotely.
If I had three wishes for them:
- I wish they would make the effort to build a better relationship. Siblings are traditionally life's longest-lasting relationships. They have this approach to each other that alternates between "sniping" and "ignoring." Perhaps like wine, their relationship will improve with age.
- I wish that our divorce won't cause lasting trauma in their lives. Just because their dad and I are divorcing, doesn't mean their future relationships are doomed. Mark has said he doesn't think the divorce will affect them much. Personally, just because they're not toddlers or adolescents prone to acting out their emotions doesn't mean they aren't busy coping with them. IMHO.
- I wish they will always keep the lines of communication open. Parenting doesn't end with college graduation. I hope they know their dad and I will always have their backs. Yes, we will continue to give unsolicited (and perhaps unwanted) advice. But after a certain age / milestone (college graduation), that advice is given as "wisdom of our years", not mandates they must follow.
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